Has anyone else seen those Mofo Mojo lists of the top 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 movies in virtually every conceivable category? Their choices stink. Often, they adhere to the "newer is better" credo. Mojo isn't alone, however. I've seen dozens and dozens of these absolutely putrid "best" movie lists.
However, if you want to see some truly crappy lists, check out any of the Rolling Stone magazine choices for best this or that in music. That absurd publication would be well represented if I were to compile a list of worst lists.
Therefore, since practically everyone else has their subjective and dubious lists, I - your trusty Cantankerous Canadian Critic - am here to offer the definitive choices (along with their ratings) for the top ten Christmas movies of all time.
- The Family Man 9/10
- The Polar Express 9/10
- It's A Wonderful Life 9/10
- Miracle On 34th Street (1947) 9/10
- A Christmas Story 8/10
- Scrooge (1951) 8/10
- A Christmas Carol (1984 TV movie) 8/10
- White Christmas 7/10
- Love Actually 7/10
- Die Hard 7/10
These rankings may change from year to year, depending on my mindset during any given holiday season; from "the most wonderful time of the year" to "bah, humbug."
The first nine listed were easy choices for me. I had a tough time choosing a tenth, but Die Hard does meet one of my criteria, namely, that the movie should take place primarily during the Christmas season. Also, it's a pretty good action flick, if not a true Christmas movie.
In addition to the aforementioned criterion, the films are also rated on how engaging they are throughout. In other words, do the films contain scenes that are inferior, dull, needless, or affect the movie's pace? For instance, virtually every adaptation of A Christmas Carol or Scrooge that I have seen, contains a part where Scrooge's laundress, undertaker, and charwoman sell a few of his belongings to a fence in some seedy section of London. The scene slows things down to a torturous crawl, and thus the films - though otherwise quite good - suffer.
White Christmas and Love Actually are also blemished by some sub-par scenes. To name just a couple, Danny Kaye's surprisingly unfunny "Choreography" number in White Christmas, and the unbearable "All I Want For Christmas Is You" scene in Love Actually.
Now, don't get your ugly Christmas sweaters tied in a knot over this list or some of my harsh criticism. Remember, as this blog's sidebar says, If you disagree with these "reviews" then just repeat the immortal words of Jeff (the Dude) Lebowski, "Yeah? Well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion man."
In closing, I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, or as John McClane would say, "Yippee Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon."