Hugo (2011)

Spielsese or Scorberg?

Warning: Spoilers

"Hugo" is directed by either Spielberg or Scorsese. I think it's Scorsese, but it felt like Spielberg. The film even had some John Williams-style BIG music, composed by Canadian Howard Shore. Yeah, that's right, the Canadian saxophone player from the Canadian band Lighthouse! (I had to get in some Canadian content there)

This fantasy is about a boy who lives in the walls of a Paris train station. Not since "The Legend of 1900" have I heard of anything this screwy. Inside these walls are the guts of the station's clocks. The guts consist of cogs, gears, counterweights, pinions, springs, and - inexplicably - steam.

During the course of the film, we learn that Hugo is the dude that built C3PO (or some C3PO prototype). C3PO reveals to Hugo that the local old grump (played by Ben Kingsley) is in fact a forerunner to movie wizards like Spielsese or Scorberg.

Anyway, I saw this movie in regular old boring 2D at a local theatre which hasn't changed much since its days as a Nickelodeon. I didn't realize it was a 3D film until the scene where some pages with drawings go flying from the kids' hands and drift all over the screen. At first I was thinking, "What the hell is this all about? Am I supposed to be mesmerized by fluttering stationery?" Then I realized that this was intended to be seen in super-duper 3D. "Ahh," I thought, "Now I see. Ooooh, that would have been so cool to see all that paper flying around in 3D." We haven't witnessed anything like this in cinematic history since the famous bolo-bat scene in the 1953 film "House of Wax" (6/10).

Hugo does a lot of hiding and running, primarily from a train station cop played by Sacha Baron Cohen. Cohen's character is an amalgam of Inspectors Javert and Clouseau. He and his trusty Doberman Pinscher cannot seem to track down the elusive boy who knows the station and its walls like the inner workings of an automaton. During one climactic scene, Hugo gives the Inspector the slip by doing a Harold Lloyd impression from a clock tower.

Once the Inspector catches up with Hugo, they have a talk. During the conversation, the little urchin makes the Inspector laugh. The Inspector tells him that he's funny. Hugo then says, "I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to ******' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? What the **** is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!"

Wait a minute. I might me confused. That dialog might be from a different movie - a real Scorcese film.

Rating:  5/10

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Hooray For The Ham

Martin Scorcese seems to have a penchant for creating films about loathsome characters. That being said, the low-lifes in this film make the gang in "GoodFellas" (9/10) seem like a bunch of guys you'd really like to hang with.

If you can like a film about dislikeable people, then the director of that film has really achieved something ("GoodFellas", for example). This movie however left me with an excruciating three-hour urge to strangle someone. In fact, the only thing I found myself applauding was the piece of ham that got caught in the throat of Donnie Azoff (played to the nth degree of irritation by Jonah Hill).

Speaking of ham, the entire cast was guilty of histrionic hysteria, including the usually reliable Leonard DiCaprio. They all seemed eager to show the audience just how pleased they were to be in a Scorcese movie. And Scorcese himself seemed eager to show the audience that he can still make a film that is not even near as good as, but is kinda, sorta, almost like "GoodFellas" (hadn't he learned anything from "Casino" (5/10)?)

This is the 2nd time I've panned a Scorcese film on this site, so I decided to look at his body of work and see how many of his films I've truly enjoyed over the years. There aren't many. "GoodFellas" is his best. Others include, "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore", "The Last Temptation of Christ", "The Last Waltz", and "After Hours" (all 7/10).

I wouldn't suggest that Mr. Scorcese is not a good director. I just wish he would make more movies about people and things we can care about.

Now, if he could just make a whole movie about that piece of ham...

Rating:  4/10

The Impossible (2012)

Mawkish Maudlin Movie

mawkish adj. 1. Excessively and objectionably sentimental. 2. Sickening or insipid in taste.

To describe "The Impossible" as mawkish is like calling Joe Pesci's character in "Goodfellas" (9/10) "not nice".

"The Impossible" is one family's story of survival in the aftermath of the tsunami that struck Thailand on Boxing Day in 2004. The special effects used to recreate the tsunami are very impressive. I was saying "Wow" at that point of the movie. As the film progressed, I found myself saying "Wow" in a different manner; while rolling my eyes in disbelief at the acting and dialog. Based on that, a better title for this flick would have been "The Implausible."

The screenplay is by Sergio G. Sánchez from María Belón's story. Belón is the woman portrayed in the film by Naomi Watts. Since the writers were Spanish, we can only hope that something was lost in translation since I hardly believed any of the characters' words.

Watts does a decent job in the lead role, and it's a credit to her that she succeeds even to that extent, considering the direction and writing. Other actors don't fare as well. Tom Holland, who plays her son Lucas, shows some promise as an actor, but here he mostly comes off as an overly sentimental caricature. The other main character is the father portrayed by Ewan McGregor. McGregor's "acting" consists mainly of looking anguished in blood-smear makeup while screaming out the names of his family members.

Director Juan Antonio Bayona has decided that the best way to convey the hardship and emotions experienced by the poor souls who suffered through this ordeal is to show closeups of their faces to the accompaniment of some Williamsesque BIG music. I could just imagine John Williams (a.k.a. The Big Schmaltzy) sitting in a theater where this was playing, wincing and saying, "Eww, too much music."

I have to say that I felt a little uncomfortable while watching this movie. Here was a real and devastating tragedy, and I was feeling as much emotion as I do when I watch my computer run a virus scan. Those who suffered through this catastrophe deserve to have their stories told with dignity and gravitas. At the very least they deserve more than this uninspired and maudlin celluloid effort.

Rating: 4/10